Augustus/Supports (Awakening)
Augustus and George C Support *'George': We have so much catching up to do. *'Augustus': I can't agree more. Where do we start? *'George': First off, in your time, did I get gimped like I did? Or did something else happen entirely? *'Augustus': You were incapacitated somehow. You and mom didn't like telling me the story because you thought it would scare me away from fighting. *'George': Man, the fact that we had to worry about that is kind of sad, to be frank. *'Augustus': It wasn't a pretty world out there. I had to be trained up because Esh-Ban was still on the loose. *'George': Damn. That guy's like a cockroach. He'd survive getting his head cut off. *'Augustus': I dunno. I feel like that part's a bit of a cock''reach''. *'George': Oh, you don't know nothing about cockreaches until you've seen— *'Augustus': Okay, you officially made it awkward. *'George': What, are those jokes not kosher around my kid? *'Augustus': I don't think so. *'George': Damn. Okay. At least you're only shaving off 40% of the possible jokes. *'Augustus': Sorry about that. We'll make up some new ones together. *'George': You're really dedicated to this, aren't you? *'Augustus': Well of course! In fact, it's my dream to start a traveling comedy troupe. We'll travel the world putting on shows for people. And I'd like you to come with me. *'George': I see... Well, I don't know how well I'd be able to tag along. Wheelchairs aren't exactly fit for travel. *'Augustus': Aw man... *'George': We can still make jokes together though! Don't think I'm not out of this plan just yet, kiddo. *'Augustus': Alright! Let's get started right away. I hope you're sitting down because these will knock you off your feet. *'George': ... Augustus and Grace C Support *'Grace': Aw, look at you, swinging that big scary axe around like there’s invisible monsters around. It’s adorable. *'Augustus': There are several things wrong with what you just said, but I’ll let them slide. How’s it going, mom? *'Grace': It was going fine until I said anything. Just…keep doing your pretend attacking thing. *'Augustus': I don’t like that tone of voice. Something the matter? *'Grace': Nothing at all. *'Augustus': If I’m not mistaken, you so just sniffled. *'Grace': No way! *'Augustus': Moooooom, tell me what’s wrooooong. *'Grace': …Why don’t you fling spells at everyone like your dad? *'Augustus': Because magic isn’t my thing. Is it bugging you that I’m not exactly like he is? *'Grace': Not bugging me, just making me a bit sad. *'Augustus': Mom, trust me, you don’t want to see me try and use magic. I’m horrendous. When he’d get bored of teaching me jokes, my dad would hand me a tome and ask me to curse something. *'Grace': He did? *'Augustus': Yup. And it always went bad. One time, I missed my target completely and hit a poor innocent squirrel. Oh how it shrieked in pain until someone kil— *'Grace': Okay, thanks for the mental image. Forget I ever brought up you using magic. You’re fine the way you are. Leaving now, love you!! *'Augustus': —and that was when I learned how to make rings from their fingers and…wait, where’d you go? Mom? B Support *'Augustus': Mom, I think I need to talk to you. *'Grace': Why do you think that? *'Augustus': I've, well, seen you spying on me. *'Grace': Me? Spying on you? That's funny. *'Augustus': You made it really obvious when you started cheering for me when I was talking to a village girl. *'Grace': She looked interested. *'Augustus': Mom. No. *'Grace': Okay, I'll stop watching you do stuff. Sorry for trying to be a cool mom. *'Augustus': No one ever said you weren't a cool mom. *'Grace': Yeah, but… *'Augustus': And besides, I know why you're watching me. It's got nothing to do with ladies or you being a cool mom. *'Grace': Y-you do? *'Augustus': Oh yeah. You've made it totally clear. *'Grace': …… *'Augustus': I'm not going to do it when I know you're watching. *'Grace': What? *'Augustus': You want me to crack into some of those jokes I've been raised to tell. And you'll just have to wait for them like everyone else. *'Grace': But that's…you know what? No. That's right. I'll be patient. *'Augustus': Great! That went better than I expected! You're a great mom, you know that? Just don't spy on me for my jokes! *'Grace': (I'm spying to see you try and use magic, you silly boy.) *'Augustus': Huh? *'Grace': Nothing, nothing! A Support *'Augustus': Mom. I see you. *'Grace': Well, yeah, it's not like I'm trying to be sneaky today. *'Augustus': I thought I told you not to spy on me anymore, and that I'd tell you all the jokes you'd like. *'Grace': You did, and that's great! *'Augustus': So are you wanting jokes, or…? *'Grace': Not exactly. Because I never wanted them to begin with. *'Augustus': You mean you weren't following me like a shadow to watch me be like my dad? *'Grace': That's actually WHY I was following you. *'Augustus': So now that I want to tell you jokes because I've got some time to kill, you don't want to hear them? That doesn't make sense. *'Grace': It's not about the jokes. I'm more than happy that you inherited your father's sense of humor, but it's not about that. *'Augustus': Then what is it about? *'Grace': I just sort of hoped that I'd get to see you at least try to be like him in regards to your fighting style… *'Augustus': I've said it before, I'm no good with magic. I'd love to be more like my dad, but I can't exactly pick up a tome and start flinging spells. Not in my blood. *'Grace': But it is in your blood. *'Augustus': That's a technicality. You know what is more in my blood though? *'Grace': *sigh* Your father's sense of humor. *'Augustus': My mother's incredible strength. Which is why I took up axes over tomes. Much scarier to hit people with. *'Grace': Wait…really? *'Augustus': Hell yeah! And until my dying day, whenever that might be, I'm going to be as great of a warrior as both my parents, but especially my mother who raised me to be as fierce as she is. Augustus and Bohl C Support *'Bohl': Oh! Augustus! You are here to make the jokes, yes? *'Augustus': If that’s what you’re wanting me to do, sure thing! *'Bohl': That was not the original intent? *'Augustus': Not exactly, but me making jokes is always a good time, so we can push what I wanted to do back a bit. *'Bohl': No, no, do what you wanted to make do with! *'Augustus': Okay there bud, if you insist! I’m gonna need you to think really hard on this one, so please don’t jumble your words too bad! *'Bohl': Er, hard thinking and word jumbling are same thing to Bohl. *'Augustus': C’mon dude, I know you can think and sound smart. There’s not that much happening in there at once, is there? *'Bohl': Sort of? Big problems with too much thinking. *'Augustus': But how am I supposed to make you into my wisecracking partner in crime if you’re not thinking straight? *'Bohl': …That is original intent? To make Bohl funny? *'Augustus': Sort of, yeah. *'Bohl': Oh, what a good idea to have been had! *'Augustus': So you work on those thoughts and those words, and once you’ve got it all straightened out we’re gonna make you almost as funny as me! Augustus and Danica C Support *'Augustus': Whoa, hey there Danica. Nice wandering fingers you got there. Trying to pocket something that belongs to me? *'Danica': And have my hand chopped off when you find out? No thank you. I was just fixing part of your shirt. *'Augustus': Since when did you decide you care about my clothing? *'Danica': Since when didn’t I care? *'Augustus': Er, since always? *'Danica': Stop being so apprehensive. I’m not stealing anything. *'Augustus': Your track record says otherwise. *'Danica': I know how you play. You have the clothes on your back and the weapon in your hand. No more, no less. *'Augustus': You’ve forgotten something. *'Danica': …There’s no way. I literally just went through your pockets and didn’t find anything else. You’re lying. *'Augustus': Ignoring the fact that you just admitted to sizing me up for thievery, you totally did miss something. *'Danica': Prove it. *'Augustus': It’s in the waistband of my pants. My handy guide to how to make jokes in any situation, no matter how terrible! It’s a classic! *'Danica': More like, it’s a waste of time to try and steal it. *'Augustus': I’ll have you know that my brilliant dad and I came up with all the jokes in it. Mostly him, of course, but I helped! It’s always nice to have a father’s humor clo—Danica is your hand in my pants or am I happy to see you? *'Danica': I, er, neither? B Support *'Danica': Look, if you're still mad about me looking for your book, I understand, *'Augustus': There are things in my pants you aren't meant to touch, Danica! And you tried touching them! A guy can't forgive that! *'Danica': But I was just looking for your book. *'Augustus': Tell that to everything else down there. *'Danica': Seriously, stop acting like I was trying to grope you. We both know I was searching for something in particular. I'm not desperate. *'Augustus': You're desperate for what rightfully belongs to me! *'Danica': Uh huh. At this point I think you're lying about your book being hidden in your pants. There's no way. *'Augustus': It IS in my pants! *'Danica': Then why can't you believe me that I was looking for it? *'Augustus': Because where your hand was and where the jokes are, well, are two totally different places? *'Danica': Oh. I got it. *'Augustus': Yeah, so when you tried getting into my pants from the front, you were way off base. Why would I keep it in the front of my pants, anyway? *'Danica': I was so foolish. Forgive me for realizing what I've done was so very wrong? *'Augustus': Just don't try it again and we'll call it even. A Support *'Augustus': Danica, we need to talk. Now. *'Danica': I’ve made good on my promise not to get in your pants, haven’t I? Can’t you leave me be? *'Augustus': That’s actually why I’m here to talk to you. I’m so proud of you. *'Danica': Heh, staying out of someone’s pants isn’t that hard. *'Augustus': It probably is for a thief like you. *'Danica': Yeah, well… *'Augustus': Now that I’ve said my piece, I’m outta here! I’ve got a crowd gathering in a bit for a round of some humor and fun, and I can’t be late! Thanks for being so awesome! *'Danica': …You’re welcome. *'Augustus': Aw, getting shy when I hug you? That’s weird behavior for such great friends like us. Come on, don’t you like my hugs? *'Danica': I do, I guess, but you know how I get when I’ve got a guy in my arms. *'Augustus': Well I didn’t feel your hand slipping into my pants again, and since my book’s in a brand new place so I definitely didn’t lose it to you, I’d say you’re still golden! See you around, eh Danica? *'Danica': Sure thing, Augustus. … *'Augustus': I made a complete fool of myself. *'Danica': And you’ve come to tell me because…? *'Augustus': I wish you HAD stolen my book! I hid it in a new pocket in my shirt my mom sewed in for me, just so you wouldn’t find it, and I wish you had! *'Danica': That bad, huh? *'Augustus': Everyone had already heard all those jokes! My dad’s book was useless to me! *'Danica': But it’s such a great guide to humor. Isn’t that why you carry it on you? *'Augustus': I guess it’s only good for when me and him are getting humorous. *'Danica': Sorry that you had a rough showing. *'Augustus': Is that a sincere feeling? With a hug? Oh, thanks Danica! You’re a swell pal! S Support *'Danica': Augustus. I've got something for you. *'Augustus': It's okay, whatever it is I don't need it. You probably stole it anyway. *'Danica': True, I did steal it, but I stole it to give to you. You better take it. *'Augustus': Is this a joke book? *'Danica': Sure is. It's not in any language I've ever seen, but apparently the jokes inside are real funny ones. Figured you'd appreciate it. *'Augustus': How am I supposed to appreciate humor I can't read? *'Danica': The lady at the store told me a manakete might be able to translate it. And then she told me to put it back because it's an ancient relic. But whatever. *'Augustus': Got it. I'll take it to Maggie when I get the time. Thanks for this, though. After that bad show, I've been a bit hesitant to crack jokes with anyone. *'Danica': Well, don't be scared anymore. In fact, if you want to shake off some of that rust, I'll hear you out on a joke. *'Augustus': No way, you've probably heard it a million times before anyway. *'Danica': You'd be surprised. *'Augustus': Well…okay, I guess. Here goes. I— *'Danica': Wait! *'Augustus': —wait? *'Danica': Before you start, there's something I want to say. I didn't risk getting my ass cursed off by a shopkeeping mage for only a friend. *'Augustus': You're interrupting me to tell me you stole something for your dad? *'Danica': No. I risked the integrity of my body for the guy I might kinda love. *'Augustus': Oh, what a fun joke! Let me get on that train too! I might kinda love you back! *'Danica': …that wasn't a joke. *'Augustus': And neither was what I said. *'Danica': Huh. Funny. *'Augustus': I really do love you back, though. Even before you stole this book for me. *'Danica': So I didn't need to steal it? *'Augustus': It sorta sealed the deal between us, so it was a good idea. *'Danica': If that sealed the deal, what do you say started it? *'Augustus': You putting your hand in my pants. Which, now that those pesky feelings we've got for each other are out in the air, you're welcome to do again any time. Augustus and Harley C Support *'Augustus': And then I said, staffer? I hardly know her! Hah! *'Harley': Ha... Hm, not gonna lie, but I didn't like that one as much. *'Augustus': Heh, yeah, I guess the delivery on that one fell a little flat. Usually that gets more laughs. *'Harley': I'll take your word for it on that one. *'Augustus': Wait! Er, here, let me try another one. This one always gets laughs, and that's a guarantee. *'Harley': You seem a little frazzled to be making jokes. Shouldn't you get calmed down first? *'Augustus': Me? Frazzled? As if! Ha ha! *'Harley': Uh, huh. Is everything okay, Augustus? *'Augustus': Oh yeah, everything's just fine! I mean, why wouldn't it be? *'Harley': Because you sound as nervous as a schoolboy. *'Augustus': I can never be nervous! Unless I'm around a pretty lady, of course. *'Harley': Men are weird. *'Augustus': And even then, I'm like a steel trap. Nothing gets past me! ...Harley? Where'd you go? Augustus and Jayde C Support *'Jayde': Augustus, I need you. *'Augustus': Er, what type of need? I know your tricks. *'Jayde': Just *sniff* a shoulder to cry on. That kind of need. *'Augustus': Oh, all right. You’re lucky that I inherited compassion from my mom to offset all the bad taste humor I could be slinging right now. *'Jayde': But your humor *sniff* makes everything feel better. *'Augustus': Er, well if you insist, I guess I could make a joke about your big ea— *'Jayde': NOT the ears. *'Augustus': You certainly dried your tears fast. *'Jayde': You mentioned something that everyone makes fun of me for. I thought you were above that sort of thing. *'Augustus': But you just asked for my humor. Sort of. *'Jayde': But not about my ears. A big, strong, charming warrior like you shouldn’t pick on a bunny for what nature’s given her. *'Augustus': Your…fur is getting under my shirt. I’m not sure if I like this kind of contact… *'Jayde': Are you wanting me to stop? You’re being really comforting right now, letting me hug you like this. *'Augustus': Jayde, I am not interested in your advances! Unrequited romance is no laughing matter, but you’re so desperate it’s hard not to laugh! *'Jayde': Ugh! What is it with you boys and being so against me wanting to be loved? B Support *'Augustus': If it isn't Jayde, once again crying. Another day, another attempt at you trying to sucker me into letting you cry on me. Not today! *'Jayde': Good, because *sniff* I'm not here to cry on you. *'Augustus': Even if you were I wouldn't allow it. I know your weakness. *'Jayde': Which one? I'm full of weaknesses. *'Augustus': The one where you're weak to me making jokes about your appearance. *'Jayde': Oh, well, that's not even the big one. Not like… *sob* *'Augustus': …Okay, those are real tears. Bring it in for a hug, my friend, and let this compassionate guy hear what's up. *'Jayde': It's terrible! I was training and I stepped wrong and an arrow nicked my fur! There was blood everywhere! *'Augustus': Everyone's weak to being attacked, Jayde. *'Jayde': Not everyone's going to let their species DIE because they're no longer attractive! *'Augustus': I'm pretty sure that your species is fi—Jayde why are you moving your armor like that? *'Jayde': Look at it! It's horrible! I'm terribly disfigured from a stray arrow! *'Augustus': I, uh, won't look because that's a chest that no man wants to open. *'Jayde': …Look at my damn cut, you jerk. *'Augustus': At this point, I really shouldn't buy into your sob stories, especially ones that involve fake injuries. *'Jayde': It's not a fake injury! It's real! Look, there's some blood and…Augustus, please! I'm definitely showing you where I got hurt, not just trying to get you to be attracted to me!! A Support *'Jayde': So when I approach you crying, you’re allowed to be a jerk to me. But you’re allowed to just waltz up right next to me on the battlefield and it’s all okay? Talk about stupid human double standards. *'Augustus': Jayde, you’re half-human. *'Jayde': Shut up. I didn’t ask you. *'Augustus': Yeesh, you’re bitter today. *'Jayde': I said shut up. *'Augustus': Man, you’re almost as terrible as some jokes I’ve heard before. Except those made me laugh because of how bad they are. You aren’t exactly eliciting chuckles. *'Jayde': FOR THE LOVE OF—oh no. Augustus, duck! *'Augustus': Goose! *'Jayde': No, get down! *'Augustus': I’m not a dancer, Jayde. I don’t “get down.” *'Jayde': Gah, just WATCH OUT! *'Augustus': What are you going on ab—JAYDE! … *'Jayde': ….. *'Augustus': Waking up, huh? *'Jayde': W-what happened? Last I remember, I was transforming to protect your dense ass from an archer. *'Augustus': That’s definitely a thing you did. *'Jayde': And now I’m…topless? How embarrassing. This usually only happens when I’m trying to get someone’s attention. *'Augustus': Well, when arrows pierce your armor and ruin it when you’re in bunny form, there’s not much it’s going to do for you when you’re back to being normal. *'Jayde': I took arrows for you? *'Augustus': Basically. *'Jayde': What was I thinking? How could I ever ruin my perfect taguel body for someone who doesn’t even like me? I’m hopeless. *'Augustus': But I appreciate it. And, uh, the very real injuries that are definitely on your chest this time. S Support *'Augustus': Jayde! How’s it going today? *'Jayde': Same as always, Augustus, except worse. *'Augustus': Then wouldn’t that not be the same as always…? *'Jayde': Like you actually care. *'Augustus': The way I see it, once you see a girl’s bare chest for more than a second, you’re automatically entitled to care. *'Jayde': Great. So when you think of me, you think of my bloody and disgusting chest. *'Augustus': No way. I think of the smart and beautiful taguel you are. *'Jayde': …Oh, shut up. I’m the one that does the flirting around here. *'Augustus': That, my dear, wasn’t flirting. Although if you did want me to flirt, I know a few good pickup lines. *'Jayde': Please, no, spare me. *'Augustus': Are your legs tired? *'Jayde': Um, no? *'Augustus': Weird, because you’ve been running through my mind for weeks. *'Jayde': ...... *'Augustus': Did I lay it on a bit thick? *'Jayde': Oh yeah. I can’t ever get a guy to notice me, and the ONE TIME one does, he’s so turned off by my everything that he tells me cheesy jokes! *'Augustus': It…wasn’t a joke, Jayde. It was the truth. *'Jayde': Yeah, and I’m the most attractive woman alive. *'Augustus': Ever since you sacrificed your superficial beauty to protect me, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Yeah, you used to get on my nerves, but you have that effect on people. And now I think I really like you. *'Jayde': Hmph. *'Augustus': I see a little color rising in those cheeks of yours. *'Jayde': It’s n-not like I’ve never had a guy admit his feelings to me before or anything. *'Augustus': You’re so cute when you’re flustered. *'Jayde': I’m not flustered! Man, now I get why guys don’t like it when I tell them I want to have their babies. It gives one a really weird feeling to be told romantic things. *'Augustus': Oh yeah, romance is wei—wait, how many guys have you told you’d have their babies? *'Jayde': …A few. *'Augustus': And not me? That hurts. I tell you I like you and then I learn this. *'Jayde': I’ll stop passing around promises for my body if you’re being serious about liking me. *'Augustus': Well those promises better end now because I am crazier for you than…well, anything that’s crazy. Augustus and Joos C Support *'Augustus': Hey Joosbag. *'Joos': That's a new one. *'Augustus': Pull my finger. *'Joos': ...Excuse me? *'Augustus': You heard me. *'Joos': Did you just walk up to your head tactician and ask him to pull your finger? *'Augustus': Damn right I did. Now do it. *'Joos': No. *'Augustus': Please! *'Joos': This is no time for jokes that five-year olds find funny. *'Augustus': You're not fun!! *'Joos': I'm plenty of fun, but not for juvenile pranks like that. *'Augustus': Do it. *'Joos': No. *'Augustus': Just do it! I promise I'll leave you alone after this. *'Joos': Fine! *'Augustus': Yes! *'Joos': But only because you kept pestering me like a chi...Oh my god! *'Augustus': Ah! Look what you did! *'Joos': How the fuck? Your damned finger came clean off! *'Augustus': How dare you, first of all! *'Joos': What the hell? *'Augustus': ...Gotcha! *'Joos': And now it's back? But what was I holding...? *'Augustus': My dad cast an illusion spell that activated when you pulled my finger. I wish it would have lasted longer so I could make you do things to make it up to me. *'Joos': Wow. That's...probably the most creative twist on that joke I've ever seen. Not bad. *'Augustus': Damn right! Augustus and Kelsie C Support *'Kelsie': Ah ha ha! *snort* *'Augustus': That was a good one, huh? *'Kelsie': Oh my gods, yes it was. I'm crying from laughing so hard. I love hearing your jokes. *'Augustus': Heh, join the club sister. Hey, have you eaten yet? *'Kelsie': Huh? No, I'm letting everyone else get their share first. *'Augustus': Do you want to snack on my food while you wait? *'Kelsie': I guess a bite of your food wouldn't hurt too bad. *'Augustus': I wouldn't be too sure of that. This stuff kind of tastes like ass. I think your dragon mom is cooking again. *'Kelsie': I'm fine with the taste. Besides, food is food. *'Augustus': What? But it tastes like ass! *'Kelsie': And? *'Augustus': Would you eat ass? *'Kelsie': Well I wouldn't rule it out! I'm keeping my options open! *'Augustus': ...Pffffft, ah ha ha ha! That was hilarious! *'Kelsie': ...What? It's true! *'Augustus': Oh man, now I'm crying. And I've lost my appetite. Here, you can have mine. Whew... *'Kelsie': ...Pfft, okay, that was pretty good. Augustus and Mason C Support *'Augustus': Mason! Mason, I need your help! *'Mason': Oh no. No, I'm not helping you. *'Augustus': Why not? *'Mason': You're just gonna use my gullibility to play unfunny tricks on me again! I'm sick of being your prank guinea pig! *'Augustus': Whoa there, dude. Simmer down. I do acknowledge that I've done that sort of thing in the past, and I'm sorry. *'Mason': You are? *'Augustus': Sure! Besides, it's not fun to dunk on someone so easy to deceive. *'Mason': ...Okay. *'Augustus': I want your help for something else. *'Mason': You do? *'Augustus': Yeah! I want you to help me play pranks on people. *'Mason': Really? *'Augustus': Yeah, of course. With my wit and your magic, we'll be unstoppable! And besides, I figured you'd want to be on the other end of a joke for once. Wanna give it a try? *'Mason': What would I do exactly? *'Augustus': We wouldn't be hurting anyone, I can promise you that right now. *'Mason': That's good. *'Augustus': I'm thinking we should start small. You cast a veeeeeery weak thunder spell on my hand and I'll got for a handshake with someone. *'Mason': Okay, that sounds harmless enough... … *'Mason': That was the worst idea you've ever had! *'Augustus': I didn't know it'd go wrong! *'Mason': Why did you pick Danica of all people to do it on? *'Augustus': I thought she'd be chill with it! *'Mason': Well that backfired, didn't it? *'Augustus': I think you mean back-thundered. *'Danica': THERE YOU ARE! *'Augustus': Oh fuck, she found us! *'Mason': Run for your life! Category:Supports